Pursuing Christ in all the wife moments, mom moments, teacher moments, life moments!
Thursday, December 26, 2024
Friday, November 22, 2024
Sunday, November 17, 2024
True Confessions of a Teacher: The Weight of Helplessness
Our school year sure is cruising right along. In no time, the holidays will be here. It’s right around this mark in most school years that some students begin to surprise you. Not in the delightful way you may think.
I really love my current group of third graders. Some of them are the whole package. They love school. They have great grades. Their friend list is longer than mine. For some, though, the curriculum has begun to challenge them, and it shows. For others, they have burned a few too many bridges, and it shows. And still for a select few, well, life itself is really tough… and it shows.
By October and November, I have begun to notice some things that didn’t show up back in September. I seem to be “catching on” to the kid who lies all the time. In recent weeks, I have also been squelching the long bathroom visits of some of my girls. I am piecing together the families who “talk a good game”, but give zero support at home.
These examples are but a handful of “surprises” that most teachers have unearthed since the first weeks of school. Depending on the situation, I will either draw a firm boundary line, extend one, or maybe, move into a realm of acceptance, where I realize “this is going to be harder than what I first thought.”
This teaching gig is heavy. Relationships with all these little people are troublesome at times. The only direct correlation I could even make for these 9 year-olds is that the more stable and functional the family, the more stable and functional the student.
While that statement isn’t earth-shattering, I guess it helps me reason and explain why some kids act the way they do. The greatest truth is, some need more of me than I can give. They have gotten the collective attention, heart, & instruction of their teachers past and present. All of it, still, isn’t sufficient to make up for what is lacking at home.
A sample of my day’s lesson plans might include- rounding to the nearest hundred, classifying vertebrates, and identifying adjectives… but it’s too much to ask of a student when he hasn’t showered in days, he got himself on the bus, and he has moved elementary schools a few times since kindergarten. Throw in step-siblings, step-dads, incarceration, poverty, and profanity, and this kid has so many odds stacked against him.
It’s only Tuesday. It’s only November. It’s only grade 3.
Most days aren’t heavy, mind you. I am a seasoned teacher and a believer in Jesus. But sometimes, indeed, it’s more than I can bear. It’s the load of helplessness that weighs me down. On the occasional drive home, the tears freely fall- one part exhaustion, the other pity.
I can’t solve their home issues.
I can’t even tell them which words are the adjectives on Friday’s quiz.
On so many levels, these kids are failing. And besides easing their lives with free school meals, frequent visits to the nurse (that’s another blog for another day), and a few classroom incentives, this small percentage of students will simply do their best, which usually isn’t enough, as well.
If you have taught any length of time, you feel this. The middle and high school teachers know that these problems just magnify with age.
In the end, it’s so much effort day in and day out. Most of these disadvantaged kids are appreciative. But, our best efforts will still be inadequate as long as home is such a chaotic place to be raised. This is the teacher’s weight of helplessness.
Lord, bless the students who live steeped in chaos. Please help me to be a mentor to them. Make school a safe place. Give all of us teachers an extra dose of grace to extend. Amen.
Monday, August 5, 2024
The Copper Sunflower
I bought it about 17 summers ago at a shop in Hagerstown, Maryland. I hang it on the front door right around this time every year. Predictably, when I pull out this copper sunflower, each time, I end up a bit reflective and always thankful. Also predictably, the coleus plants are wildly blooming on the front steps, the air is heavy with humidity, and our house is very lived-in at this point in the summer!
In my own little private emotional tradition, I assess what has been since school let out. Our days have been free, busy, and like one long weekend. We have been blessed with baseball, swimming, family, and friends. Some fun trips have come and gone this summer—- Cape May, Kentucky, and Michigan. The kids have enjoyed their friends and freedom. And my number on the scale indicates more than a few trips for ice cream!
But now, as August comes scurrying along, I am wishing for more summer nights on the deck and slow mornings to read. Very likely someday, I will look back and acknowledge summers as some of our very best times as a family. My career choice as a teacher, has worked out well for us in this matter… I fully realize as I sit pool-side, many moms are putting in long hours elsewhere.
For me, just as there is a bit of melancholy in August and the wrapping up of summer, there is also a new hope. The long, easy days will once again turn schedule-ridden and rigid, churning us into more productive beings. The faces of new teachers and the rising of new opportunities will be a welcomed sight. My 11 year-old and 6 year-old will enter uncharted territories, and with the Lord’s help, will flourish. And this week, I will enter my classroom, rearranging, planning, and mentally readying myself for what’s to come.
Just as much as we need the new sneakers and backpacks, we also need to savor what’s left of these sweet summer days. For very soon, that copper sunflower will witness “first day of school” pictures and rushed mornings.
It’s all a blessing, though. I am incredibly thankful for what has been and what will come.
Thank you, Lord, for the rest and pause of summer, so that we may be refreshed in new efforts for the fall. Bless each family as they transition into a new school year. Help us to meet challenges and new schedules as they come. Give us joy in every season to make both memories and progress… to hone skills and give our best attitude to the days ahead. Amen.
Tuesday, April 16, 2024
A Prayer of Renewal
Dear sweet Lord, I come today with a heart of apathy. I can grow hardened to your word, and distracted with the world around me. I am burdened, tired, and even forgetful to pray. Take away the busy-ness. Remove my need to rush through a devotional. Forgive me for the times that I have glossed over, passed by, or totally ignored Your holiness, wisdom, and sovereignty.
Make my heart stitched to yours. Keep the fruits of the Spirit alive in me as I move through my day. Help me to be in a constant state of prayer all day, and to acknowledge your presence everywhere! Keep me in awe of your glorious creation around me. When circumstances, feelings, technology, and responsibility threaten to veer me off course, fill me with your Spirit again to remain mindful of your sweet presence.
Yes, Lord, fill me to the greatest capacity possible. Make me a useful conduit of your love to all I am in contact with. Help me to ward off any dullness or lack of enthusiasm with time spent with you. May I remain devoted, focused, and on-fire for You and Your ways, in spite of the circumstances that surround me, each and every day.
Amen! 🙏
“Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.” ~ Psalm 139:23-24
Saturday, March 30, 2024
Forgotten Miracles
A decade ago, our family learned that my mom had pancreatic cancer. That diagnosis is often accompanied by a very grim outlook, for good reason. We were plenty concerned and as time progressed, she had numerous treatments, then referrals to Johns Hopkins, and eventually surgery to remove her whole pancreas. Those were uncertain times. We prayed like never before, and were prayed for by so many. We were given a miracle, and my mom is alive and well today. God is soooo good!
You know what has happened in those 10 years since? Some days—-even strings of days, have gone by that I neglect to thank God for her recovery. That’s just so HUMAN of me. We go into a crisis, then emerge, forgetting the intensity and urgency of our prayers. Forgetting that Mimi could have been gone long ago. Life moves on, and we allow it to blur the goodness and mercy God has shown us.
She and I were chatting yesterday about the older grandkids getting older and possibly moving onwards from long-held traditions, like her yearly egg hunt. She said, “When I was very sick, the one thing I prayed for was that I could see my grandkids grow up. It’s okay that they are.” And yes, it is okay! She is here- hallelujah!
But, if I can tie this conversation in to tomorrow— Easter- let the analogy be clear.
As you and I walk this Christian life, let not the goodness and mercy of God be lost in our very hurried, busied, distracted days. In everyone’s lives, I like to think we will all have a few trials and a few triumphs. We just need to be sure to revisit the times where God blessed, answered prayers, or even provided a miracle. Perhaps on the days when life is heavy or just mundane, thanking the Lord for his provisions in the past is what can spur you on to tomorrow.
Christ’s crucifixion & resurrection still is the world’s greatest victory, and YOUR ultimate triumph. It was His most loving act of mercy, His most powerful blessing yet. Would you put yourself to death for your neighbor? Your best friend? Your rival? Jesus did. He knew the depth of our sins, and still wanted us to be with Him for eternity.
This REAL event, can grow to be undervalued, especially if you have heard it hundreds of times. Just like Mimi’s miracle, it’s worth thinking on over and over.
Many often quote John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son. So that whosoever should believe in him will not perish but have eternal life.” But the next verse is so precious, and just as monumental…. John 3:17 reads, “For God did not send his Son into the world to be its judge, but to be its savior.“ God sent Jesus because of LOVE, not condemnation.
Forget not all the miracles of God. Celebrate His goodness often! Jesus’ ultimate triumph over death is yours as well. Happy Easter, friends! ✝️
Dear Lord, give us reminders to praise you for your goodness. Your love is evident in so many ways when we stop and remember all you have worked out in our favor. Give us time to contemplate the risen Christ, our greatest triumph. Amen.
Monday, January 22, 2024
Growing
The past few months have been a season of loss for my husband’s family. In a span of just 4 months, they have said goodbye to their Grammy and Grandpa. Both lived full, long lives. Both were loved much and lengthy is our list of treasured memories.
With that kind of finality, it feels like I have naturally begun to take stock of my own life. Transition is in the air. The start of 2024 was a somber one to us. I have been taking extra long glances at my children, just to try and remember them as they are now. Life, it seems, is moving on rapidly. I can see them growing before my own eyes. My daughter is losing teeth and learning to read. My son, almost taller than me, is wearing contacts and going to middle school next year. I have taken notice of my husband’s new grays, and my own fine lines, too. We are all growing. I can’t do a thing to stop any of it.
I know I haven’t felt something new or different from any other mother who walks planet Earth. We grieve the stages we leave behind sometimes.
But, I am reminded of a passage in the Bible that reads,”Do not love the world or anything that belongs to the world. If you love the world, you do not love the Father. Everything that belongs to the world—what the sinful self desires, what people see and want, and everything in this world that people are so proud of—none of this comes from the Father; it all comes from the world.” 1 John 1:15-16.
Now, next to these verses, I wrote in the margin a while back,
- Riches
- Career
- Sports
- Materialism
- Etc…
That “Etc…” seems to include my current feelings.
There is NOTHING we should cling to so tightly in this world that would keep us stuck here. Stuck in toddlerhood, elementary school, teenage years, or middle age— none of those sound pleasant! As pathetic as we are, God understands our emotional attachments to songs, clothing, and stages of our little ones. But the earthly enjoyment of all these things pales so very significantly to what awaits us who are in Jesus.
God’s design is growth and change, even if it feels difficult to move on from the familiar. But, truly, my desire is to appreciate everything from the hand of God now, and in the future. I can trust Him to lead us in the growing, however sweet or challenging it may be. The dread I tend to associate with growth can really be translated as fear, which can also be translated as not trusting the One over it all.
Yes, transition is in the air. Isn’t it always?
One last thought from Paul gives me hope, “For this reason we never become discouraged. Even though our physical being is gradually decaying, yet our spiritual being is renewed day after day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16. The fine lines may indicate aging, but my inner spirit is newer by the day. Amen!
Thank you, Lord, for the growing seasons. We become comfortable and familiar with them, just in time to see them change all over again. Help us transform to mature appreciation, and approach all our new eras with the peace of your presence, clinging only to You. Renew us and grow us in Your likeness.